Saturday, December 12, 2009

Be a winner instead of a victim



With me, a lot of times, something undesirable happens and I start blaming people or circumstances just to make myself comfortable. I think of so many reasons to excuse myself and convince myself that I am not the one to blame. Sometimes, I even put the blame on my best friend, you call Him, God.

So, let’s see how I think and talk to myself:

– When the job market was bad, I said “I cannot find a job because of the bad job market. It’s tough to get a good package now.” I will wait for the job market to improve or wait for the next excuse I could think of. :)

– I am unhappy because my girl friend dumped me and I lost my job. I will just wait for some miracle to happen so that my girl friend and my job will come to me by its own.

– I lost the competition because the referee made a lousy call and gave some important points to my opponent. I lost interest and stopped playing. I will not play with those unfair people anymore.

– My love ones have lost faith in me. They think that I have let them down. They started believing on what others say. They don’t want to talk to me anymore. But why should it worry me. I have given my whole life for their sake. I don’t need to prove that I am right. I will not kneel down before anybody. I will not discuss any issue with them.

– If I can't think of any reason, I will simply think that my luck is bad. I will just wait for my luck to get better.


When you blame things on others, it makes you feel like a victim. You feel weak and powerless. You feel defeated. You feel like a victim of your destiny. Its fine to think of reasons. But if you take the responsibility of everything that happens to you (instead of blaming things on other people and circumstances) you will feel an immense power which will turn you from a victim into a winner. There is a lot of difference between taking the blame on youself and taking the responsibility. You never have to blame yourself for what is happening to you.

You don’t have the control on what happens to you but what distinguishes a winner from a loser is how you react to the things that happens to you. Someone has nicely define the 10:90 rule which states that you do not have control to the 10 percent of the things that happens to you but you have control on the 90 percent of what you do as you react to those situations. You have complete control on how you react to those things. Taking the responsibility makes you action oriented. You know it is you who have to do something about it instead of waiting for the situation or your luck to change. You will see your mind working toward the solution, towards making you a winner. You will be amazed with the power of your mind when you really want it to work for you.

Let’s see how your winner mind will think in the above situations when you take the responsibility,


– Job market is bad, I have to work harder to get a job.

– As my girl friend is not with me and I have lost my job, I have to find another girl friend and a job. Am I right? Better leave the girl friend, yes? But definitely, I will go find a job. :)

– I will work harder and will give my best. Losing and winning is part of life but giving your best is what matters. I have to work on my weak points. I have to point out if the referee is wrong and giving favor to opponent because of some reason. This would help prevent it from happening again, not only to me but to other players. Loosing the game has increase the adrenaline level in my blood. I will work hard.

– My love ones are my well wishers. They are disturbed as I am disturbed. They are sad as I am sad. They love me so much. It's just a bad phase of life. Talk to them and discuss my issues with them. Listen to them peacefully. Take some time and give others some time. One day, truth will prevail. Wait for the right time. The loved ones will become one soon.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13:4-8 NIV)

So from this time onward, when you see yourself thinking or talking about your excuses to put the blame on others, stop it right away. Irrespective of what situation you are in, take the responsibility of your life, take charge of your life and be a winner!!

As, rightly said by someone "Tough times don’t last but tough people do."

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)